my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
