are you still at the devil's house?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i've created a new STD.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
