hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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