just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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