big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
