And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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