new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
