I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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