You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
