I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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