We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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