glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
