I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
