Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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