***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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