I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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