youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
