woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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