my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
