I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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