Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
