I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
