That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
