Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
