There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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