can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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