There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
