my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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