I will die if light touches me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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