so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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