you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
