i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
