i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
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Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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