I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My ass is underappreciated
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
