so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
