So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
