Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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