Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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