Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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