Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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