He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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