she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
