did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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