Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My liver just had a heart attack.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
