You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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