I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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