PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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