you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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