I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
