Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
