Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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