I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Alive.
So much puke
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You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize