the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
