Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
