The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
