We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
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Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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