Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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