i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well you can't waste a boner
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize